CHILD ABUSE
Abuse and neglect of children in the family is a serious, ongoing problem in New Zealand. High profile cases are greeted with revulsion by most parents, but they still occur with uncomfortable regularity.
Abuse is not usually random, but occurring on a regular basis that gets worse over time. It is not defined as just physical attacks or sexual abuse – it can include emotional or psychological acts that are designed to exert power and control over children. Abuse can be:
Physical – sometimes it does not cause bleeding or leave bruises, but it is enough to cause fear of physical harm in a child. When violence is used, a child fears that next time it will be worse.
Sexual – rape or the use of force or coercion to induce a child to engage in sexual acts against their will.
Emotional – it can be constant put-downs and name-calling, intimidation and harassment; things that make children feel bad about themselves. It is likely to include yelling and threats of physical violence, or threats designed to make children fearful. Looks, actions and expressions might be used to instill fear. Items valuable to a child might be smashed or pets harmed.
Isolation – a child might be isolated from friends, often because their friends are made to feel unwelcome in the home.
Neglect – depriving children of necessities such as food, shelter, supervision appropriate to their age and essential physical and medical care.
Child abuse occurs in all types of New Zealand homes – it is as likely to occur in a wealthy city suburb as a poor country town and is common across families, religions, races and cultures. In most cases of abuse, the abuser is well known to the victim – a family member, close relative or friend of the family.
While actual violence against children is a big concern, children are also harmed by the violence they might witness in the home. A Women’s Refuge study suggested that, for women receiving help from refuges, 90 percent of their children had witnessed violence and 50 percent of the children had also been physically abused. Twelve percent had been sexually abused.
Effects on children
As victims and witnesses of family violence, children can be severely harmed.
Children can suffer horrific injuries as the result of violence in the home. Adults, because of their usually dominant physical strength, can hurt children more than they ever mean to.
If their mother is subjected to violence, most children know. They often witness the traumatic beatings or the humiliation. Sometimes they get involved, trying to help by attempting stopping the violence themselves. They can get hurt by accident or as part of the attack on another victim.
Studies have shown children suffer long-term effects of witnessing abuse through:
increased illness;
low self-esteem;
social problems;
failure at school;
violent delinquency.
A United States study found that children who grew up in violent homes were twice as likely to commit violent crimes as those who lived in safe homes.
Children who witness family violence have been shown to be more aggressive and anti-social, more fearful, and to have low social skills. Many show behavioural problems such as hyperactivity, anxiety or aggression that are severe enough to be regarded as clinical problems.
The greatest long-term danger is perhaps that children accept that violence is acceptable behaviour – that when an adult is angry or frustrated, violence is a solution.
Girls who see their mother abused can model their mother’s behaviour, becoming fearful, withdrawn and distrustful. Girls who have been in abusive families are more likely to accept victimisation and violence from their friends and partners in adulthood.
Boys might model their behaviour on that of their violent father. Boys can become aggressive, bullying not only their friends and siblings as youngsters, but also their mother. As adults, they are more likely to beat their partners and commit violent crimes.
How it happens
Child abuse is about power and control - a desire by an abuser to dominate a child through fear.
Why do adults want to do that? Often it is simply that they know of no alternatives to physical discipline, or that they want to cover their own inadequacies by trying to dominate children who are in no position to defend themselves. Many parents grew up with abuse in their own family and are simply continuing the cycle.
Part of the reason it has become such a problem is that society has accepted that abuse in a family is where it stays - many people accept that “it’s nothing to do with us”.
Of course there are triggers to abuse, such as alcohol and drugs, stress, unemployment and so on. But it will not stop until everyone sees abuse as socially unacceptable, wherever it occurs.
Police and welfare agency initiatives in dealing with child abuse have begun to change the attitudes of society.
An abuser is no longer able to continue violent behaviour without the risk of neighbours, family and friends reporting it. And when it is reported, it is dealt with by the Police, the Child, Youth and Family service and a justice system that recognise it is a crime.
Society is now also expecting abusers to take responsibility for their actions and to take the consequences; to get help, to do something about their behaviour.
What you can do to help
In a crisis, dial 111 and ask for the Police. If your children are in immediate danger from another family member, a visitor or intruder, look for safety first. Run outside or head for a public place, scream for help or call the Police. Emergency 111 calls are free from all telephones, including payphones and cellular phones.
If are a neighbour or other witness to violence or other abuse, you have a responsibility to report it. It is a crime and the Police will react accordingly. They ensure firstly the safety of the children.
If you suspect your own children or those of a family member or a close friend are being abused, find out what you can about the family’s present situation. Talk to the parents and listen for any clues to whether they feel they have particularly difficult problems. See how they react to their children and how their children react - is there a lot of yelling and threats, do the children look fearful?
Can you encourage the parents to seek help? If they agree to get help, follow it up.
If you are not sure what to do, talk to a help agency in your area (look in the front of the phone book, or ring one of the numbers listed at the end of this booklet). They have trained staff who can advise you what to do or make discreet inquiries about the victim’s welfare.
If you genuinely believe children are being harmed, call the Police, or Child, Youth and Family service immediately. Children need special help because they are often unable to take action to keep themselves safe.
A Police officer or social worker can then take appropriate action to protect the child.
If you merely suspect abuse is occurring - you might have heard yelling and slapping from next door, a child crying - should you report it?
If you are not sure, contact a help agency. You can talk confidentially with them about what you know. They will probably have a better idea whether abuse is occurring and will know what can be done to help.
People, especially those not close to a victim, might be reluctant to report violence or abuse because they feel it is none of their business or they might be wrong. However, children have a right to be protected from harm - you might be their only hope of changing their circumstances.
